I suck.

I like blogging.
It makes me feel like I'm actually loved.
I'm so desprate.
I'm talking to a wall.
God, I'm pathetic.
And lonely.
Well, text me.

~Maria

Wish to stalk me?

I know you do.
If you're reading this, you've got to want to know me.
Well, you probably already do.
So, here is what I am brooding over on this lovely lovely summer day.
I will be leaving for Palm Springs in about three hours.
Before I do leave, I have a checklist.
-Fold laundry
-Upload CAMY video
-Finish Program for Ate Brea && Kuya Brent's party
-Finish slideshow for same party
-Pack
-Buy Party Supplies
-Pick up a projector
-Clean the house
-Fly to Cambodia

..So the last one was a lie, but the ones prior aren't.
And then after Palm Springs, I am hosting a party. (See next paragraph.)
Then the day after is the graduation party for my cousins, which I'm MCing and in charge of.
Yay me.
Then LA Film Festival.
Then buy a pretty dress.
Then Keeanna's quince.

About my party, I'm not liked at all.
In fact, and bluntly, I'm absolutely hated.
Just one of those people who are not liked at all.
But people pretend to deal.
So, of course, I'm going to have a tiny little outcome of people, and it's going to fucking suck, crash and burn boringly, like it did last year.
FML.

~Maria

3. && 3. 'supposed to be.

Well, I was given this idea from a couple of, I guess you could say, friends?
Acquaintances. Better word.
Anyway(s) [?]
It's to say three things you like about yourself and three things you do well.
And it should be a video, but I'm not awesome like that, and I'm too self conscious to even think about the embarrassment and how stupid I'd look on video.
So, that ruled that out.
But I am going to attempt to do this.
It feels weird.
Well, here goes.
Thing one) I like that I
____________________________________________
Okay, I spent about twenty minutes rocking in my desk chair and I conclude that I can't think positively..
But anyway, I think the idea of it is great so if you're reading this, try it and pass it on.
Maybe I'll try again later.

~Maria

My Goddess, Help Me Now.

Confessions of a Regina-holic.

I've been busy.
I'm always busy.
What's more busy than busy?
Me !
I will not get one moment's rest until June 19th, and only for two days.
Then, summer school.
Wootwoot.
Let me grope.
Relay for Life this Friday, so, I'm cramming to get my sht together as captain.
Awards Assembly tomorrow, so I'm freaking out.
Music Man DVD needs to be done like, NOW.
Birthday thing to plan.
Brea's graduation celebration to plan and organize!
Recital soon.
Done with therapy, but no support now.
Rehearsals for Rapunzel have begun.
Finals in 15 days !
AP Euro Test soon.
Falling behind with homework.
Zero energy level consistently.
Babysitting everyday now.
Piano teaching three days a week.
No flipping money.
Too much damn homework.
Like,
World History Honors Project due (Wed) or Friday or Monday ._. (We haven't really done sht)
Need to catch up on Romeo && Juliet notes for English Honors.
Need to raise B- to A in Religion ASAP
Censor Elections for Latin soon. I'm running.
Will someone please shoot me?
It's gonna get harder, I know, but I'm stretched fcking THIN right now.
Migrane.
Dear God,
Please help me !!!
Amen.
I have no time to feel.
Feeling is for suckers.
Feeling is for those with nothing to do.
I am a hard shelled human being with too much on her plate.
Some things must be sacrificed.
Feelings are gone.
I will not feel sad that my friends are graduating.
I will not feel sad that I am moving.
I will not feel pain when my mother goes crazy.
I will not cry if I get fired or let go.
I will not feel angry when I don't accomplish some high expectations or when my world falls apart.
I'm not going to feel.
I'm just going to be a Barbie doll, plastic and smiling, empty inside, but so much to be done.
Well, I sure do need help.
I wish I had someone to talk to, but I don't care, because I don't feel.
Well yes, I feel like I should be in an asylum.
Here's to you, Sybil !
&& To you, Regina Spektor - My Goddess !!



She's the kind of girl who'll smash herself down in the night
She's the kind of girl who'll fracture her mind till it's light
She'll break her own heart and you know she'll break your heart too
So darling, let go of her hand

She's been skipping days, spilling her drinks in the sink
and you know, she's never coming home--never coming home again
but when when when she open her eyes eyes eyes
beyond the chipping paint through the windowpane

lies lies lies
her patron saint, broken and lame
and absolutely insane for learning that true love exists
so darling, let go of her hand(x7)
you'll be to blame for playing this game
and learning that true love exists

She's the kind of girl who'll smash herself down in the night
She's the kind of girl who'll fracture her mind till it's light
She'll break her own heart and you know she'll break your heart too
So darling, let go of her hand(x2)

you'll be to blame for playing this game
and learning that true love exists
broken and lame
and learning that true love exists


The pain, the pain, the pain, the pain....

~Maria

Happy Mother's Day

Well, I haven't posted in a while, but no one reads, so no one cares. But it's okay. It's mother's day. I remember when I was little, my mom would take my sister and I to my grandmother's grave, insisting it was Lola's day, and we could celebrate her on the side. My mother loved, and still loves, her mother. I want to be able to be that in love with my own mother, now and always, but it's not always easy. For reasons I do not have time to explain, the relationship between my mother and I is and always has been very rough. But there are those days where I just feel lucky to even have a mother, as I have friends and I know there are many many people out there who took their mother forgranted and now regret it because she is gone. Well, I don't want to be like them. I want to be able to say that I love my mother, I cherish my mother, and that I would do anything for her, without flinching. It's going to take some work, it's going to be hard, but I will accomplish it, soon. As for my grandmother, she has always been a person in the stories my mom tells, a face in the pictures, and a name on a gravestone, to me. But she must have been one amazing woman, and I hope to be as amazing as her one day. That's another thing I hope to accomplish, and I believe I will. After all, we share a name. <3 Happy Mother's Day ~Maria

Continue

Last one !
It kind of goes with that theory a friend of mine came up with.
(Mentioned earlier in the blog.)
And yet not at all.
Just focus on the
RESIST

Hehehe Procrastination. <3
~Maria

I do not own that picture. All rights to their respective owners over at: thingsweforget.blogspot.com

Keyboard

Hah. Two blog posts in one night. Wootwoot!
Another one of these weird incomplete-probably-never-to-be-completed song things.

HAH! And you tell me you ain't dying!
You tell me you're just fine!
So here I go.
Let me laugh in your face, as I see your eyes.
You lie.
Let me laugh!
You tell me you're not dying!
Not in any way shape or form?!
You idiot. t.t.t.t.
Let me tell you, dear child.
I know.
We all know.
That you're crumbling and falling.
Let me laugh as I see you've finally lost.
HAH!
I see you lying on the kitchen floor.
Slippin' slidin' rolling groaning moooooooaaaaning.
And still you screech that you're just fine.
Dear child on the floor.
You humor me.
HAH! Let. t.t.t.t. Me. Laugh!
It isn't funny at all, but I cannot stifle such smiles.
Let me know when you're rea-dy to tell me.
You aren't fine...

Hmm.. I wonder if Regina Spektor (<3) does this?
Late night bursts of energy and emotion.
Pouring out onto paper.
Pressing keys on the keyboard.
Making music and making letters.
Some nights are harder than others, we all know that.
But the ones that simply flow, are those you should keep in your pitcher.
And yes I did just say that.
And no I have absolutely no idea what it means !
Well, that's life.
Take it as you wish.
To each his own.
You know how it goes.
Til next time, my solitary reader.

~Maria