My Goddess, Help Me Now.

Confessions of a Regina-holic.

I've been busy.
I'm always busy.
What's more busy than busy?
Me !
I will not get one moment's rest until June 19th, and only for two days.
Then, summer school.
Wootwoot.
Let me grope.
Relay for Life this Friday, so, I'm cramming to get my sht together as captain.
Awards Assembly tomorrow, so I'm freaking out.
Music Man DVD needs to be done like, NOW.
Birthday thing to plan.
Brea's graduation celebration to plan and organize!
Recital soon.
Done with therapy, but no support now.
Rehearsals for Rapunzel have begun.
Finals in 15 days !
AP Euro Test soon.
Falling behind with homework.
Zero energy level consistently.
Babysitting everyday now.
Piano teaching three days a week.
No flipping money.
Too much damn homework.
Like,
World History Honors Project due (Wed) or Friday or Monday ._. (We haven't really done sht)
Need to catch up on Romeo && Juliet notes for English Honors.
Need to raise B- to A in Religion ASAP
Censor Elections for Latin soon. I'm running.
Will someone please shoot me?
It's gonna get harder, I know, but I'm stretched fcking THIN right now.
Migrane.
Dear God,
Please help me !!!
Amen.
I have no time to feel.
Feeling is for suckers.
Feeling is for those with nothing to do.
I am a hard shelled human being with too much on her plate.
Some things must be sacrificed.
Feelings are gone.
I will not feel sad that my friends are graduating.
I will not feel sad that I am moving.
I will not feel pain when my mother goes crazy.
I will not cry if I get fired or let go.
I will not feel angry when I don't accomplish some high expectations or when my world falls apart.
I'm not going to feel.
I'm just going to be a Barbie doll, plastic and smiling, empty inside, but so much to be done.
Well, I sure do need help.
I wish I had someone to talk to, but I don't care, because I don't feel.
Well yes, I feel like I should be in an asylum.
Here's to you, Sybil !
&& To you, Regina Spektor - My Goddess !!



She's the kind of girl who'll smash herself down in the night
She's the kind of girl who'll fracture her mind till it's light
She'll break her own heart and you know she'll break your heart too
So darling, let go of her hand

She's been skipping days, spilling her drinks in the sink
and you know, she's never coming home--never coming home again
but when when when she open her eyes eyes eyes
beyond the chipping paint through the windowpane

lies lies lies
her patron saint, broken and lame
and absolutely insane for learning that true love exists
so darling, let go of her hand(x7)
you'll be to blame for playing this game
and learning that true love exists

She's the kind of girl who'll smash herself down in the night
She's the kind of girl who'll fracture her mind till it's light
She'll break her own heart and you know she'll break your heart too
So darling, let go of her hand(x2)

you'll be to blame for playing this game
and learning that true love exists
broken and lame
and learning that true love exists


The pain, the pain, the pain, the pain....

~Maria

Happy Mother's Day

Well, I haven't posted in a while, but no one reads, so no one cares. But it's okay. It's mother's day. I remember when I was little, my mom would take my sister and I to my grandmother's grave, insisting it was Lola's day, and we could celebrate her on the side. My mother loved, and still loves, her mother. I want to be able to be that in love with my own mother, now and always, but it's not always easy. For reasons I do not have time to explain, the relationship between my mother and I is and always has been very rough. But there are those days where I just feel lucky to even have a mother, as I have friends and I know there are many many people out there who took their mother forgranted and now regret it because she is gone. Well, I don't want to be like them. I want to be able to say that I love my mother, I cherish my mother, and that I would do anything for her, without flinching. It's going to take some work, it's going to be hard, but I will accomplish it, soon. As for my grandmother, she has always been a person in the stories my mom tells, a face in the pictures, and a name on a gravestone, to me. But she must have been one amazing woman, and I hope to be as amazing as her one day. That's another thing I hope to accomplish, and I believe I will. After all, we share a name. <3 Happy Mother's Day ~Maria